Important sociological changes in recent decades have increased pressure on parents to bring up healthy, secure and successful children who will become well-rounded and engaged citizens. Combined with a drastic decrease in stay-at-home mothers, these changes have made parenting both increasingly demanding and increasingly difficult. It is in this context that the concept of parental burnout started to emerge.
You didn’t sleep well the night before but it’s getting late and the kids are hungry. You pull yourself off the sofa where you managed to sit down undisturbed for all of five minutes before you had to get up anyway to break up a fist fight between the boys. I’ll make spaghetti, that’s quick and easy, you decide. You open the cupboard and there’s a sticky mess where one of the kids has spilt a drink. After clearing it up you realise there’s no spaghetti as you forgot to buy some and let’s face it, no one else is going to think of these things are they? As you scrabble around in the cupboard looking for something else, the baby starts whingeing. He’s not feeling well and doesn’t really want to be put down. Balancing him on one hip, you find something to cook the kids and start cooking.
There is a mountain of washing up and you unsuccessfully start trying to wash the dishes. Your phone beeps and it’s your husband telling you that he’s running late so won’t be able to help with bath time and by the way he can’t get annual leave for the day when you really need childcare for the training course you absolutely must attend for work. Your daughter walks in and asks where a clean school skirt is for tomorrow. You realise that the mountain of clean washing hasn’t been folded for days because you just been so tired and had so much to do. Your other daughter walks in and tells you the school is asking where the permission slip is and the £180 payment for the school trip. It needed to be in last week. You finally serve up dinner and one of the kids has a full on meltdown because he doesn’t like what you’ve cooked. He is hungry and tired but refuses to eat. Resigned, you decide it’s just easier to cook him something else.
So evenings like the above are probably something we can all relate to. We all have our bad days undoubtably and most of us get pretty stressed from time to time. What if every day is like my description above? And what if there are other outside factors making our lives even more stressful? You may have heard of professional burnout but did you know that you can suffer from parental burnout too? And it’s no laughing matter. Parental burn out is characterised by overwhelming exhaustion, distancing from loved ones including your children, and inefficiency at every day tasks. At its worst it can lead to depression and low self esteem. A study in 2017 found it can affect between 2- 12% of parents, with slightly more mums affected.
I think we will be hearing a lot more about parental burnout as it is still a relatively new concept. But for now, here are my tips on how to avoid getting burnt out.
Learn the art of saying no.
Make time for yourself.
Try to get out of the habit of trying to squeeze too many tasks into a small space of time. Sometimes just because you can do something doesn’t mean you necessarily should for examples the other day all my kids are at school apart from the baby and he was having a nap. I could’ve cleaned the oven or done some dusting but for a change I force myself to sit down and catch up on some TV. It was amazing.
Consider Practical Solutions
If you have the money or space in your home and you are struggling to keep on top of housework why not consider a cleaner or an au pair? This is something I have never personally done but I know a lot of people who have and it works wonders for them.
If you are feeling overwhelmed talk to your partner. He or she might not realise you are struggling and there maybe things they can do to help.
Ask for Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Stop trying to be a supermum.You will be amazed at how happy most people are to give you a hand. Trust me, I know because I’ve had to do it.
Remember you should never feel guilty or self indulgent for taking any of the above steps. A happy Mum means happy kids!
Have you ever felt burnt out as a parent? Did you know it even existed? Let me know in the comments below and it would really help me out if you could follow my blog!